guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
