sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why can't burritos get me drunk
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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