You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
And then he peed in my hair
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