when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize