She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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