NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
