so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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