I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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