ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am spending my child support on dildos
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
