Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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