her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
