Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
