yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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