I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The struggles of a small town man whore
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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