Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
