I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
