Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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