Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
