Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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