so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
