I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
