This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
