note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm like, not good at living.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
