Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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