Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
