WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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