so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
