I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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