oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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