question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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