She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
