Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
