Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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