Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
