the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
