No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
