Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
