worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
