i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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