I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
