All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize