TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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