I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I understand Curling. That high.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
