My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
