i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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