You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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