Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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