can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
