you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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