I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
