Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
