1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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