I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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