My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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