i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
