I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
