There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Blood and glitter go together right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
