She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
