Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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