You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
