i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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