So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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