Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
