I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize