I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
