this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
