There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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