He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
