I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
