She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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