***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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