based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
