your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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