I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
And then he peed in my hair
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