That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
