I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
