Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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