You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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