He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Watching her eat just hurts me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
