he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Pants are for mortals
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
