Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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