she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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