Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
