her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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