This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize