Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
