mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
