I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
