yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
