i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
