so that wasnt chicken after all
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
