We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
