trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
