The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
