I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
